today is my daughter Bekah's birthday.....for a mom that is full of lots of memories. Rich was deployed in the military and I was alone for the six months leading up to her birth. My Aunt was my birth coach and we took the classes together. I didnt buy it...I was confident that breathing wasnt going to get me through childbirth. Demerol...that was the answer...Demerol and a spinal anaesthetic. I had a horrible pregnancy. My body didnt like it, didnt like being pregnant. I threw up every day for 9 months, only thing i could keep down were lean cuisine spaghetti, genoa salami, tomato juice, and slushies. Not a whole lot of nutrition, but it was something. In the middle of my pregnancy I got the flu...made the whole throw up thing worse....fever..chills...fever. My OBGYN hospitalized me when they werent able to regulate my body temperature. It would go from 92 - 105 up and down in an hour. They had some probe up my butt that kept my current temperature connected to a blanket which heated or cooled me dependant upon the probe's reading. When I didnt get better, they did tests and discovered that my kidneys werent functioning well - massive kidney infection. So...they fixed that and I was able to go home. Months passed...I was commuting to college every day and enjoying my life. My college friends were all protective of me...tried to make sure I ate well..threw me a baby shower. As far as they were concerned this was their baby too. Summer came.... it was hot. I looked like I swallowed a basketball. She was due at the end of June...supposed to be a Gemini like both of my parents. Her due date came...and went. On the day she was born I had enough. It was time damnit. So I ran up and down some hills..trying to induce labor. I thought I failed....and headed home to a Doctor's appointment. At the appointment the doctor notes a small leak of amniotic fluid. He said I had a high tear and needed to deliver immeditely to avoid infection. I drove myself to the hospital and checked in..then called parents and my aunt the labor coach. I wasnt in labor so they started a drip of devil medicine....pitocin. It started labor allright...hard and immediate. When I say hard...i mean...OMG. I spent 20 hours in HARD labor..no build up...just right there...devil contractions every couple of minutes. I was begging for Demoral...begging for a spinal...begging for them to take her out of me. I wasnt progressing...her head was too large to go into the birth canal. They told me if nothing changed in an hour they would do a cessarean. I went nuts..I told them..in the deepest voice that sounded so much like Linda Blair from the exorcist "take her now" . They didnt, they waited an hour. I was awake when she was born....and when I saw her I was in love. A feeling it is hard to explain - she was mine to take care of, to love, to protect, to teach and guide and nurture...I was awed by the responsibility and that this beautiful baby had grown inside of me..that she came from me and was and would always be a part of me. Rebekah made me a Mom. I have loved being a mother. I havent always been the best mom, but I dont think my daughters doubt they were loved. I did take care of, love, protect, teach, guide, and nurture my girls. Happy Birthday Bekah Boo!
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