the Pumping Station

This has been a year of loss for my family that began with the loss of my Meme. She died last spring, although we really lost her years before when she lost touch with reality and started living in her own mind.

Meme was my touchstone person. She always loved me. I was the first grandchild and the only grandchild for 5 years until my brother was born. For a woman who loved children I supect I was the best thing since sliced bread. She could love me and enjoy me but she wasnt responsible for me! I remember the smells of meme's house from my childhood...the wood stove, baking apple pies, and simmering meat fat from roasts. I never remember a day I spent with her where she didnt make me believe I was the most important person in her universe. She loved me, but she liked me...she always liked me. (or if she didnt, she never let on...which was fine with me)

My very very favorite childhood memories involve my Meme and the old pumping station. Most days we would take a bag of day old bread and my meme would take my hand and we would walk, swinging our arms between us...talking about sunshine and singing songs...so many songs...with meme it was always about singing. I think she is the reason i love music and singing so much. We would get into the woods and look for lady's slippers. I think they were my meme's favorite....we hunted for them...as rare as they are...all the time. While we walked we would pick up flat stones and round stones and and end up with a pocket of stones. We would reach water's edge......and try to skip stones, and throw them......looking at the different ripples in the water and laughing and singing. Then...would come the ducks...and we would feed them the leftover bread. I was convinced those ducks were my best friends. Ah the innocence of youth!

How life has changed. We dont take delight in such small outings anymore. Talking and walking and singing and laughing and throwing stones and feeding ducks would not rate as a 'thing to do', yet for me...those walks to the Pumping Station were what I looked forward to every day. They are what I miss. Those moments of being connected with my Meme, really spending time with her, enjoying her company and her enjoying mine. Fresh air, wonderful company, and the beauty of nature were all we needed to spend a perfect day.

Meme moved away from the pumping station, but her next house was right on the cove at lake pearl. Swimming and fishing and crawfishing, and frogging. Out in the boat, reading on the porch. Different smells...the smell of the shore at a fresh water lake mingling with the scent of pies and cakes and roasts. Family and the gathering of aunts and their husbands and children in that little house on the lake every sunday after church. Sneaking in to grab the crispy highly salted fat pieces from the roast before it was carved. Hors D'euvres......pinapple cream cheese spread and crackers, shrimp scampi, oysters rockefeller, always such deliciousness at Meme's house. Food equated love. Food was how meme showed us all that she loved us. And we ate and ate and ate to show her how much we appreciated her gift!

I remember going up to meme's room after dinner....smelling the tabu and chantilly....using her avon samples to put on make up...pretending I was her. She always made me feel so safe and loved and happy - everything about her made me feel that way. From her I got my love of music, my love of books, my love of soap operas! She always told me that I had to marry a chinaman and perform on Broadway. Well....I married Rich and he SO isnt a Chinaman, and I have performed on Broadway in Columbus Georgia, but I am certain it was not the Broadway she meant. She wouldnt have been disappointed though. She was always proud of my accomplishments big and small. When I had struggles with Mom, meme would wrap me in her arms and listen and hug me and give me advice how to make it better. She was my only childhood confidante.

Zoos...I will always love the zoo because of Meme. Another frequent outing to see Fanny the elephant at Slater Park. Feeding ole Fanny apple pieces and peanuts and carrots. I was convinced that Fanny thought I was her friend too. So many of my life's pleasures have their foundation in experiences I shared with my meme.

Moving to Georgia....frayed that connection we had that was so strong. I didnt know how to maintain it...nor did she. I stink at letters and phone calls....but my wonderful husband did spend several years making meme smile by being her 'sp' or 'secret pal' and sending her cards and notes on a monthly basis.

I miss her......I miss knowing there is a person in the world who will think I am amazing and marvelous no matter what I do. I miss being with the person who really formed all of the interests and joys and fun memories of my life. I miss her hugs and the smell of tabu...i miss her apple pies. I miss adventures into her Trunk of memories where she would pull out photos and clippings and tell all of the stories behind each one. I miss that...but I have my own trunk of memories and I will take my grandchildren on the same kind of adventure into my life and past when they visit. I will be for my grandchildren what my Meme was for me - a touchstone, a hero, a source of unconditional love.